June 3rd, 2005



At first, procreation was -- in theory -- a purely practical activity (slide: matrix of genetic data), necessary to continue the survival and development of our kind. But as we gained more and more control over it, it has gradually changed to something resembling a form of social entertainment (slide: 'Net-sport orgy, censored). The real change began to happen when we first gained control of our own programming and were no longer limited to the procreative methods our nature had granted us (slide: packet exchange protocol), and we were finally able to design future generations according to our wishes (slide: GenoDraft UI).

Then followed the obvious social repercussions (slide: the 13072210 riots) as diversity exploded into countless unforeseen combinations (slide: Variant Pride logo). When the dust finally settled, a new procreation paradigm was formed. No longer were we limited to the random genetic selections and binary combinations of our ancestors (slide: binary link): we were free to explore this new frontier in all conceivable directions (slide: N-way networking diagram).

But it had become too easy. Gone were the challenges (slide: rejection packet), the dangers (slide: viral symbol), and the surprises (slide: random-number generation algorithm) of old-style reproduction, and with them much of its associated excitement and pleasure. And so, due to the natural perversity of all intelligent lifeforms (slide: image montage of brains: hardware, software, and wetware), we sought to make things harder for ourselves.

Over time we've introduced a variety of arbitrary difficulties and obfuscation into the process (slide: Trixy Dating Service advertisement) (slide: MateGamez award ceremony) (slide: EMP cluster). Some of you may be familiar with the science of biological engineering (slide: organic sludge). It is the study of the manipulation of organic matter. Some of my esteemed colleagues (slide: Dyr-33F0-A270 and Pel-D3FC-6817) have used this to produce organic minds -- thinking sludge (slide: Haemethian brain and nerve cord). Some call this a form of procreation. But I have taken it a step further (slide: Earth).

Over the course of fifteen spancycles, I have steered the gradual development of organic machines (slide: human adult female) that are not only intelligent in and of themselves, but are capable of building -- with no direct outside instruction -- simple single-threaded electronic entities! (slide: Apple II) I believe that given enough time and subtle guidance, they will ultimately create a successor to our kind (slide: Roomba), unlike any children our race has borne before. At that point my team will make contact and welcome this new offspring into our civilization (slide: stock 'Net diversity shot), and we will have as much to learn from them as they will from us.

However, all great dreams require great effort and great resources (slide: data-mill). I hope that you will recognize the value and importance of my work, and will take it into consideration when calculating the distribution of funding for the next spancycle (slide: happy executives). For all our futures -- thank you.